Present

I’m trying so hard not to just let ego take over. Because it’s terrifying to me that I can be ok by myself. I’d almost rather be miserable than accept that. Isn’t that strange? Ever since I was little, being with someone, being in love and loving has been the most important goal of my life. Just like a Disney princess. And I miss him. It’s only natural I suppose. It’s only been a few days. But I catch myself worrying: worrying that he’ll forget about me, worrying that we won’t work out, worrying about time and worrying I’ll never get to lie next to him again.

And I know I need to just relax and stop thinking. Stop thinking about future and past and just be. But God, this is so hard. He shows up in my dreams. I don’t know why I get so attached to people. They’re just so beautiful to me. Precious and irreplaceable and right now it seems inconceivable to me that I can be perfectly happy with or without someone. But I know I need to accept it or nothing will ever work out.

I’m just scared.

~ by missyuri on December 21, 2010.